Posts Tagged ‘love’

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Jazz by the Bay

In life, own flash fiction, own short story, personal on November 9, 2008 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,

‘I will give you all the diamonds you want’ was not the first thing that he said that evening under the moon shadows of trees swaying to Jazz that night. 

That night chanson’s d’amour or love songs were not mere mood jewels that he usually adorns in just any other mundane night. They had significance that night. He was in love after a good long twenty five years. He clasped his own hands in delightful serenity of the night laced with the hallucinatic music. He thought those were the magic that music creates in moments like those. As a kid he always liked movies over real life because movies had background music. He was happy ‘coz he can hum and sing; at least he can make up for the lack of background music in real life.

He could care less about his wealth, his palace and the never ending lonliness if not his anxious longing for what he didn’t know. 

That day his heart was filled with gratitude and he wept slowly. He was in love and he knew why. He looked at the moon and then looked at her , ‘How shiny would you be if you take all my diamonds?  Under this pale moon, this summer sea breeze and the trees, and everywhere you would be just the same; my shiny little happiness. You will always be with me’. 

He stopped gazing at Fiona, his watch and shifted his attention to his collection of books. He then started murmuring these lines again. However, in case of books, he offered them bookcases and shiny ones and in case of his wines, he offered them new cellars and yes! shiny ones.

He stopped realizing long back that it was just another night of Jazz by the bay.

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32 years of Indian Police Service – To my Papa

In life, personal on March 31, 2008 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , ,

32 years – from 1976 till now in Indian Police Service (Assam & Meghalaya cadre) is a huge achievement in my father’s life – for that matter it’s a huge achievement for any man who was born in the pre-independent India.

Born to Late Soneswar Bania, Papa grew up in a small village named Dogaon in North Lakhimpur, Assam. He made his way out to a more educated and civilized life through hard work. When many of us were fighting over which channel to watch on TV, Papa in his adolescence was riding on a grazing Buffalo and reading his text books. He was very sharp as a kid and very artistic too – you should see his handwriting; it would have made my class teacher in school, who taught me cursive writing, go green in jealousy.

He had to leave home and study in Darrang College, Tezpur, Assam initially and finish his graduation in Economic, Statistics and Mathematics from Cotton College. And soon after that he got his MSc degree (those days in Gauhati University, one gets a MSc. degree for Eco, Stats and Maths).

He got married to my mom in 1968. Mom was from a neighboring village. He was still a student when he married mom. And soon after my eldest sister was born (1970). He had the responsibility of his family back home and also his wife and a kid. He got a job in NSS (National Sample Survey) which made him stay in Shillong for a couple of years and then MidnaPore, West Bengal for another few years. He had to sent my mom back to her village along with my sister.

In 1976, he got through the civil services examination and he joined the Police Service. Again he was sent out for training and subsequent posting in Silchar, Assam. By then, Ma and my two sisters joined him. We had seen pretty bad days in my dad’s career – days when he was transferred to remote corners of a tumultuous Assam, days when Dad would come home late and Mom would wait for him, days when he had to make a lot of sacrifices in his family life (which was misconstrued by us on lot of occasions).

32 years of a tumultuous Assam – 32 years of a family who made huge sacrifices – 32 years of commitment

My father was very creative and perhaps he wanted to become an engineer, an architect, a teacher or a writer. His friends were from such fields. Due to work, he couldn’t even think about what he actually liked, forget being with his friends or dear ones. Much later in 1994, he met one of his closest friends in Tinsukia, Assam – Prof. Dundhubi. I saw my Papa behave with his long lost friends in ways which left an indelible mark on my mind – there were more to this man than what we all know.

Now, we all have the luxury to take up a job, if we don’t like the current one – relocate to a new city at our whims … Think about my father … I am sure your father would have gone through the same. Their generation was so different than ours in many ways.

Nevertheless, I am very proud of you Papa. As my friend Suresh said, “… thank him on my behalf for a service well done to the nation”, we all feel that you have done something which in no way I could ever do in life. You have started a generation in our family – my generation – the generation which books flight tickets on the internet, listens to songs from iPod, writes a journal on a blog, eats Mexican food ….

You have paved the way for us to a comfortable life, to a secured life… All these and more are a resultant of your sacrifice – a lot of it I am not aware of – may be there must have been times when you wanted to have an extra helping of food but you had to save for your family, may be you wanted to watch your favorite movie or buy a new shirt in Bihu

Yes Papa, your sacrifice!

papa.jpg

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When dream and day unite: reprise

In life, personal on March 23, 2008 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , ,

I could see through the hordes of people drenched in smokes of exasperation coming out of their tightly clasped cigarettes in their fingers – a great urgency in completing conversations. I could hardly see any faces that I know. It was suffocating …. moment before I decided to leave, I saw a familiar face sitting quietly in a corner drinking something precious for the very fact that he was protecting it rather than savoring it. I couldn’t recognize the face from that distance but intuitively I was sure that the person sitting there was someone close – probably eons back …. the familiarity, the comfort of someone close… I walked towards the person through meandering pathways between those congregations of people. Just when  I was about to reach and say ‘Hi’, a few people looked towards me, I could see the whole room looking towards me with some sort of amusement and shock. The look in their face said ‘How dare you go and speak to him? He doesn’t need anybody, he has us. Please leave this place…. there is no extra room for you’

Well I retracted and looked into his familiar eyes … they were sad, they were tired, they were dead, …

David Hidalgo written a song, ‘Someday’ for Los Lobos (OST: A love song for Bobby Long) which captures my emotions right now:

Someday I will go home
Someday I will go home
And I’ll find peace in the house
Of my heavenly father
I will fear, fear no more

I know down in my heart
I know it won’t be long
And I shall see the face
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more

Someday, I will go home
Someday, I will go home
And I shall take the hand
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more
I, I will fear, I will fear
Pain no more

Driving home
Driving home
I’m driving home

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Gibran’s Love …

In life, other poetry, personal on November 19, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: ,

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

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Vanilla Skies …

In Uncategorized on October 3, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , , , ,

I have turned out to be a photo-poem churning out machine now on my blog. Somehow I have lost connect in speaking to people who reads my blog. Reasons will be job related (I was so engrossed in my job that I didn’t have time to think about anything else), fatigue not of body but of mind – didn’t want to discuss or engender thought processes which would probably take up time and space … However I am at ease right now. The other day I was reading other’s blogs and chanced upon a friend’s blog wherein he wrote about a very happy incident. He was present when one of his friend proposed to his girl friend and she agreed to marry him. A smile beamed on the corners of my eyes and then faded away leaving behind hints of moisture …..

Bleeding Heart

I remembered those withered years and try to touch them with fervent hope … I can’t touch but only see … yes only see and it’s soon becoming dusty and hazy…. I wrote Vanilla Sky for someone else … a God-sent couple and I guarded this poem from everyone … but then the skies bled and never saw the light …. But now I am happy for my friend and dedicate this to his friend who is getting married soon… I know marriage is not the culmination of true love …. let true love reign in many different shades …..

Cogent, crisp, clear everything should be
Closure and coherence are enchantingly desirable
Permanence is linked with certainty
Is this what sweet dreams are meant to be?

Hope floats where love floats
A strange mixture of follies, pleasure, ghosts and vices

A frission of ecstasy shot through me
When i walked in those clouds
Always had i known
The clouds are not permanent
They shift along with the tides of time
Leaving me hanging between two realms – hopelessness and anticipation

Yet I always wonder
Rather realised
When love floats – everything else just founders
For a second or a lifetime
It doesn’t matter
The vanilla sky and the clouds remain forever

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Lucid Dream

In Uncategorized on September 10, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , , ,

Had a great time, specially to see you both together. Not forever may be, but for just 2 most crazily happy hours of my life.

Me and You

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All my Love

In Uncategorized on August 29, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , ,

All my Love

I have all the time and all my world for you …
Keep me going …
Keep me strong …
I trust you’d never go wrong …
Don’t be around …
But send your fragrance through a whiff of wind …
I’ll welcome it with wide open arms
and kiss the ground.

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I Love Mumbai

In Uncategorized on August 23, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , , ,

I landed in Mumbai past midnight. The ariel view of the city was more than enough to comfort me beyond measure – I have reached home.

Ok, this was what happened. I had some work in Delhi for which I had to take an early morning flight to Delhi, finish up the work and come back same day. I reached Delhi at 10:30 am and since then I was longing for Mumbai till I landed here.

More than anything else (Delhi’s annoying character Vs. Mumbai’s free spirited fun character) I have found that I like Mumbai and hate Delhi for associations -

Delhi – Whatever bad could happen in last 26 years of my life happened when I was in Delhi. For me every tree, every bit of air, every drop of water, the evening sky… in Delhi reeks of sadness – a kind of sadness that makes me nervous, catapults me to the deep recess of my psyche where I could feel my heart stabbed countless times every second and as if every drop of my blood has been smeared on Delhi’s landscape

Mumbai – The best things that could happen to me in the last 26 years of my life happened in Mumbai – getting to know people who changed my life forever, reuniting with lost relationships, and ah! of course the famous Colaba Causeway

I Love you Mumbai for giving me a brother, for giving me a whiff of romance, for giving me another chance to reignite a lost friendship, for giving me a home wherein I stay with a bunch of great great friends, for accommodating so many friends of mine, for instantiating my lost passions, for giving more than enough reasons to enjoy myself and not last and the least – for giving me an excellent colleague who has now became a very good friend ….

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Our Lady Peace

In Uncategorized on July 23, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , ,

Kaustubh sent me this song. Last I heard was from a teenage girl in a rock competition. I couldn’t ask her which song it was, but it lingered with me for a long time – a sense of loss yet reassurance, some distant sky, turquoise blue evening sky, powdered rain on my face, a mild scent of musk and goosebumps of memories. Our Lady Peace – Are you sad? Listen to this song here Read the beautiful lyrics below. Nevertheless you should also listen to other songs by this band specially the Woodstock 99 song – Superman’s dead

“Are You Sad?”

Your life has been so hard
It’s dried up angels that can’t keep guard
I’m trying to reach your hand
But I’m on fire
I never planned to fade… away
Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say that you’re nothing

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn’t be..

I’m drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it’s been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,
I’m just a man
Whose made mistakes

Stop pretending when they say you’re nothing

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True love should be liberating and not binding …

In Uncategorized on June 26, 2007 by Ashok Bania Tagged: , , ,

A friend of mine told me that true love should be liberating and not binding. It was after I raised the question, “If a beast can do so much for loving a human being, what do we do?”, while watching King Kong.

If I look around me, the connotations of love spells closeness, dependency, physicality, obligations, brandishing et. al. Is this the end of love? Knowingly or unknowingly even I, till yesterday, felt the same way about love… but then my friend told me in a very straight tone – “Your love is very binding” … just a line is what I required! I realised that probably this what have become of love – Binding! This what have become of marriage – Binding! This what have become of a relationship – Binding!

Love is very pure, it’s is a direct translation of God. If love exists, then I am sure God exists. Love permeates through the strict definitions of eros (physical), philia (emotional) and also agape (spiritual) – the three corner stones of love and finds it’s meaning in deep seated sense of affection which should elevate one and not degenerate. Needless to say phrases like “Love Labor Lost” loses significance in the lexicon of true love. True love should be emancipating one and make him/her happy about everything in life even the fact that it is a rarity if one has true love for someone.

The day if you or the one you love feel binding and obligatory because of love, I am sorry it’s not true. True love should seek a perfect kind of affection – one that is not only based on fondness, not only transcends any particular form of it, but also a passion without the necessity of reciprocity.

l’amour devrait libérer et ne pas lier …. and more on this ….