Baby you’ve got a hold on me

My Crazy Valentine,

You may not been privy to what I have been going through these days. I hope you remember Carrie Bradshaw, in Sex and the City, mentioning about the phase of Zsa Zsa Zsu – yes butterflies everywhere 😀 One open letter to you may not capture, in coherence, all that I want to tell you right here, right now; not to forget the parsimony of bullet points or the drab of paragraphs.

Hence, I chose music as a medium to express my take on love – it’s refreshing, allows context change and obviates banality of text. The music I chose encompasses genres or any boundaries – and don’t you worry – not all of them are love songs 🙂

#14 Screaming out your name – Set Fire to the Rain (Adel)

“But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name”

Adele always pushes me to go into this warm cozy place where I can do anything around with my heart – teasing them to turn sad and then uplifting them with liberating thoughts and then sink them into pure unrequited love – some pleasure which can’t be defined.

#13 Concept of a sanctuary – You and I (Lady Gaga)

“Something Something about this place
Something about lonely night and lipstick on your face
Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy
Something about may be You and I”

I love this song for the fact that she surrenders herself completely to him and believes in being together for eternity. Even a few torture wouldn’t balk her step 🙂

#12 Lonely souls don’t spark at the same time – Leave Me Alone (Extreme)

“Don’t feel sorry
It’s not your concern
Only the lonely
Are the ones who get burned”

This song speaks for all the lonely souls out here in this universe. Our hearts sparks and yearns to create a spectacle each time. Is there anyone to see that?

#11 When we are happy we make tonnes of promises – Happy Together (Turtles)

“I can’t see me loving nobody but you
For all my life,
When you’re with me, baby, the skies will be blue,
For all my life”

Promises gets wasted on people – by sheer fate or by your own design. If you really feel it this way about someone, it shows in your actions – it will find it’s way. I would plod along 🙂

#10 Sound of seduction – In the Waiting Line (Zero 7)

“Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see”

The song is featured in the movie Garden State – a bunch of kids on psychotropic drugs seizing the day. Listen to me – this is my seduction song. Dreamy Pop has always been my favorite seduction genre. Here’s the party scene –

#9  You can never say what love brings in – Is That All There Is? (Peggy Lee)

“Then I fell in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other’s eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day, he went away. And I thought I’d die — but I didn’t.
And when I didn’t I said to myself, “Is that all there is to love?”

Is that all there is to love? I don’t think so – if it just takes breaking out the booze and having a ball to make me happy why not? We grow stronger every time. And I also believe that it comes back in other forms – in colors or in disguise.

#8 Give in to the sweet sensation – Blind Faith (Chase & Status)

I am the man with the heavy heart,
and I dare not turn the pages.
Riding with automatic self destruction.
Is a blind faith, a cruel waste, one bitter taste.
So I know I need this sweet sensation.

Have you ever considered the term blind faith with a positive connotation? This song starts quite late

#7 What can a strong attraction do – Hypnotist (Flaming Lips)

“I had forgiven you for tricking me again
But I have been tricked again –
Into forgiving you –
What is this?? Are you some kind of hypnotist??
Waving your powers around – the sun eclipse behind the cloud…”

Call me a fool or just hypnotized 🙂

#6 The oh! so dependence on each other 🙂 – You’re All I Need To Get By (Aretha Franklin)

“Like sweet morning dew I took one look at you
And it was plain to see, you where my destiny
With my arms open wide, I threw away my pride
I sacrificed for you, dedicated my life to you
Like I would go where you lead
I’ll be right there in time of need
And when I lose my will you’ll be there to push me up that hill”

One of the most romantic songs I have ever heard. There are times when we look out for each other – some call it dependence, some call it love, some call it intimacy and let me not list all down. ‘You’re all I need to get by’ is my comfort feeling and by the way cheesecake is my comfort food 🙂

#5 We lie under different stars – Different Stars (Tresspassers William)

“So I will hum alone, too far from you
All that i say now is nothing to you
We will lie under different stars
I am where i am and you’re where you are, you’re where you are.”

This is one song that makes me cry – not because it is a song about separation but just because of the poet’s thoughts about romanticizing separation. Beautiful song.

#4 Good good lovin’ – Turn Your Lights Down Low (Bob Marley)

“Turn your lights down low
And pull your window curtains;
Oh, let Jah moon come shining in –
Into our life again”

This is one is purely dedicated to you because reggae lightens me up and what better a love song can be if it is not reggae 🙂

#3 Something so strong to wound a spirit – Cucurucu Paloma (Cateno Veloso)

They say that at nights
all he could do was cry all the time
they say he won´t eat
all he could do was drink at all times
they swear that heaven itself
would tremble hearing his crying
He suffered so much for her
that even on his death he was calling her

he cried
he sobbed
he sang
from a deadly passion, he died

That a sad sparrow
early in the morning goes to sing
at the lonely little house
with it´s liitle doors wide open
They swear that that sparrow
is nothing else than his soul
still waiting for her return

Cucucrrucucu, sparrow
cucucrrucucu, don´t cry
stones will never, sparrow
know anything about love

cucurrucucu, cucurrucucu
cucurrucucu, sparrow don´t cry

The melody is as melancholic as the singer who sang those beautiful and poignant words – Cateno Valeso in Cucurucu Paloma struck me bad when it lingered hauntingly through the movie “Happy Together” (above: video from the movie)by Wong Kar Wai. You should watch this movie someday to gauge what I feel.

#2 Coming home to you – Coming Home (Skylar Grey)

“I am coming home
I am coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes” 

Here home is so not literal. I want to feel at home with you and would try and make it  for you as well.

#1 Music and Love – Music of the Night (Phantom of Opera)

“Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night”

The song is from Phantom of Opera. A very ugly beast of a man falls in love with the leading lady of the opera. He lives under the stage and comes out only at night. He is musically gifted and has the most soulful voice. That was what he offered – music.

Last one for the day –

When dream and day unite: reprise

I could see through the hordes of people drenched in smokes of exasperation coming out of their tightly clasped cigarettes in their fingers – a great urgency in completing conversations. I could hardly see any faces that I know. It was suffocating …. moment before I decided to leave, I saw a familiar face sitting quietly in a corner drinking something precious for the very fact that he was protecting it rather than savoring it. I couldn’t recognize the face from that distance but intuitively I was sure that the person sitting there was someone close – probably eons back …. the familiarity, the comfort of someone close… I walked towards the person through meandering pathways between those congregations of people. Just when  I was about to reach and say ‘Hi’, a few people looked towards me, I could see the whole room looking towards me with some sort of amusement and shock. The look in their face said ‘How dare you go and speak to him? He doesn’t need anybody, he has us. Please leave this place…. there is no extra room for you’

Well I retracted and looked into his familiar eyes … they were sad, they were tired, they were dead, …

David Hidalgo written a song, ‘Someday’ for Los Lobos (OST: A love song for Bobby Long) which captures my emotions right now:

Someday I will go home
Someday I will go home
And I’ll find peace in the house
Of my heavenly father
I will fear, fear no more

I know down in my heart
I know it won’t be long
And I shall see the face
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more

Someday, I will go home
Someday, I will go home
And I shall take the hand
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more
I, I will fear, I will fear
Pain no more

Driving home
Driving home
I’m driving home

“And this also,” said Marlow suddenly, “has been one of the dark places of the earth”

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad fascinated a friend of mine after he watched, “Apocalypse Now” … years passed by… I still feel a sense of fear as to why he was so fascinated. Never could I fathom the depth of darkness he imagined and yet the very fact that the outwardly normal self of his had a darker side, which I am not familiar with, … intrigued me as well as saddened me….

I picked up the copy last year and absorbed every bit of it … the motif of darkness is very interesting – the dark continent, the Congo … the river .. the Africans .. or the characters .. Or is it the unknown .. Did you ever surprise yourself with something you thought you would never do? Do u shudder with disgust when you want to hate someone with all your heart? Do you want to see blood when blood makes you vomit? The very concept of Unknown becomes meaningless unless you find the “unknown” in you …

In the heart of darkness lies hate hate and hate …. Bleed this heart to free thyself from hatred …

Let me bitch![Spoiler Alert :P]

So it was like the movie – Sixth Sense … Akshay Kumar, in the end, reveals that he knows how to speak in English and he is not just another “Jat” boy from Punjab… Heheheh! I spoiled the suspense for you … Atleast now don’t go for Namaste London.

Two bad movies in a row and Bania is in a highly peevish mood … F*cking Garden State man! Who the f*ck told me it was a good movie … My a$$ would have made a better movie than that … nevertheless I had to drink half a bottle of rum to drown the movie …

Woke up at 12 noon on Good Friday and lo! I get another freak attack of watching a movie in Red Lounge, Cinemax… ALONE – any movie :O

I picked up Namastey London for the 3 o’ clock show. First of all, that crazy accent of Katrina Kaif – i mean i was confused – is it British, is it Indian, no wait its Tamil naah! The more she looked beautiful, the worst she acted – I mean it seemed that she was giving herself a competition – who can act dumber – Katrina in the previous shot or Katrina now. Combined with the raw masculinity of the crap bag – Akshay Kumar – they were on a mission to vanquish any mortal above an IQ of 100 who went for the movie.

Weird product placements – Spykar Jeans – Mujhe nehi pata tha aap London ke sabse pehle Spykar showroom ki maalik hai … Mujhe Spykar jeans bahut pasand hai … (I didnt know you were the owner of London’s first spykar jeans’ showroom … I love Spykar jeans…) Then they showed Katrina’s parents making a profile of Katrina in bharatmatrimony.com – We never got to see what happened to that profile … and why did they do that …. they did get a guy who showed them grooms in India – but then does bharatmatrimony.com provide such service??? Then comes Western Union Money Transfer – Maine paise transfer Western Union Money Transfer se kar diya.. Ha main bhi Western Union mein khadi hoon … Paise jaldi pahuchega … Yawn!! Rakhi Sawant using Lizol in Big Brother was far classier than this …

Then this ugly bitch – friend of Katrina – who doesn’t want Katrina to get laid or kissed or whatever! (God knows why!!) – and her really ugly smile at occasions when any Indian will protest against any British guy (Upen Patel Vs. Susan’s parents) .. if she is so happy at Indians detesting Britishers, then why the f*ck she attends those parties and goes to discotheques with them … may b she is a f*cking Banshee or something ..

Enuf bitching … but then continuing with the spate of watching movies alone – I am actually enjoying (sorry for repitition)

Namaste London was ok! in certain respect – London .. It showcased very beautifully the prime locales of London – a place I yearn to visit someday .. Probably thats why I didn’t think twice before buying the tickets …

Freedom

Had a wild day yesterday. It was a holiday for me and all of my friends were working. Woke up late and suddenly had this urge to do something new … Ideally would have liked to kill a few people (heheheh!).. Ya, so I’ve decided to watch a movie … any movie.. So hurriedly took a shower and went to the nearest theatre – Fame, Andheri, Mumbai.

I took the best seat – Gold class with reclining seats – they even give you pillows and blankets and also take orders for food ..

Since I had no one near me … it was a great feeling .. I laughed at the silliest jokes and jumped and jostled with laughter … Well I never knew how much people affect my decisions. I felt free. The strangers around me were my company … Well I feel I should be working in a theater ala Nuvo Cinema Paradiso …

The movie was insignificant .. Could have watched anything … For the record it was a hindi flick – Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd.

See more progress on: watch a movie alone in theatre