Baby you’ve got a hold on me

My Crazy Valentine,

You may not been privy to what I have been going through these days. I hope you remember Carrie Bradshaw, in Sex and the City, mentioning about the phase of Zsa Zsa Zsu – yes butterflies everywhere 😀 One open letter to you may not capture, in coherence, all that I want to tell you right here, right now; not to forget the parsimony of bullet points or the drab of paragraphs.

Hence, I chose music as a medium to express my take on love – it’s refreshing, allows context change and obviates banality of text. The music I chose encompasses genres or any boundaries – and don’t you worry – not all of them are love songs 🙂

#14 Screaming out your name – Set Fire to the Rain (Adel)

“But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name”

Adele always pushes me to go into this warm cozy place where I can do anything around with my heart – teasing them to turn sad and then uplifting them with liberating thoughts and then sink them into pure unrequited love – some pleasure which can’t be defined.

#13 Concept of a sanctuary – You and I (Lady Gaga)

“Something Something about this place
Something about lonely night and lipstick on your face
Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy
Something about may be You and I”

I love this song for the fact that she surrenders herself completely to him and believes in being together for eternity. Even a few torture wouldn’t balk her step 🙂

#12 Lonely souls don’t spark at the same time – Leave Me Alone (Extreme)

“Don’t feel sorry
It’s not your concern
Only the lonely
Are the ones who get burned”

This song speaks for all the lonely souls out here in this universe. Our hearts sparks and yearns to create a spectacle each time. Is there anyone to see that?

#11 When we are happy we make tonnes of promises – Happy Together (Turtles)

“I can’t see me loving nobody but you
For all my life,
When you’re with me, baby, the skies will be blue,
For all my life”

Promises gets wasted on people – by sheer fate or by your own design. If you really feel it this way about someone, it shows in your actions – it will find it’s way. I would plod along 🙂

#10 Sound of seduction – In the Waiting Line (Zero 7)

“Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see”

The song is featured in the movie Garden State – a bunch of kids on psychotropic drugs seizing the day. Listen to me – this is my seduction song. Dreamy Pop has always been my favorite seduction genre. Here’s the party scene –

#9  You can never say what love brings in – Is That All There Is? (Peggy Lee)

“Then I fell in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other’s eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day, he went away. And I thought I’d die — but I didn’t.
And when I didn’t I said to myself, “Is that all there is to love?”

Is that all there is to love? I don’t think so – if it just takes breaking out the booze and having a ball to make me happy why not? We grow stronger every time. And I also believe that it comes back in other forms – in colors or in disguise.

#8 Give in to the sweet sensation – Blind Faith (Chase & Status)

I am the man with the heavy heart,
and I dare not turn the pages.
Riding with automatic self destruction.
Is a blind faith, a cruel waste, one bitter taste.
So I know I need this sweet sensation.

Have you ever considered the term blind faith with a positive connotation? This song starts quite late

#7 What can a strong attraction do – Hypnotist (Flaming Lips)

“I had forgiven you for tricking me again
But I have been tricked again –
Into forgiving you –
What is this?? Are you some kind of hypnotist??
Waving your powers around – the sun eclipse behind the cloud…”

Call me a fool or just hypnotized 🙂

#6 The oh! so dependence on each other 🙂 – You’re All I Need To Get By (Aretha Franklin)

“Like sweet morning dew I took one look at you
And it was plain to see, you where my destiny
With my arms open wide, I threw away my pride
I sacrificed for you, dedicated my life to you
Like I would go where you lead
I’ll be right there in time of need
And when I lose my will you’ll be there to push me up that hill”

One of the most romantic songs I have ever heard. There are times when we look out for each other – some call it dependence, some call it love, some call it intimacy and let me not list all down. ‘You’re all I need to get by’ is my comfort feeling and by the way cheesecake is my comfort food 🙂

#5 We lie under different stars – Different Stars (Tresspassers William)

“So I will hum alone, too far from you
All that i say now is nothing to you
We will lie under different stars
I am where i am and you’re where you are, you’re where you are.”

This is one song that makes me cry – not because it is a song about separation but just because of the poet’s thoughts about romanticizing separation. Beautiful song.

#4 Good good lovin’ – Turn Your Lights Down Low (Bob Marley)

“Turn your lights down low
And pull your window curtains;
Oh, let Jah moon come shining in –
Into our life again”

This is one is purely dedicated to you because reggae lightens me up and what better a love song can be if it is not reggae 🙂

#3 Something so strong to wound a spirit – Cucurucu Paloma (Cateno Veloso)

They say that at nights
all he could do was cry all the time
they say he won´t eat
all he could do was drink at all times
they swear that heaven itself
would tremble hearing his crying
He suffered so much for her
that even on his death he was calling her

he cried
he sobbed
he sang
from a deadly passion, he died

That a sad sparrow
early in the morning goes to sing
at the lonely little house
with it´s liitle doors wide open
They swear that that sparrow
is nothing else than his soul
still waiting for her return

Cucucrrucucu, sparrow
cucucrrucucu, don´t cry
stones will never, sparrow
know anything about love

cucurrucucu, cucurrucucu
cucurrucucu, sparrow don´t cry

The melody is as melancholic as the singer who sang those beautiful and poignant words – Cateno Valeso in Cucurucu Paloma struck me bad when it lingered hauntingly through the movie “Happy Together” (above: video from the movie)by Wong Kar Wai. You should watch this movie someday to gauge what I feel.

#2 Coming home to you – Coming Home (Skylar Grey)

“I am coming home
I am coming home
Tell the world I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes” 

Here home is so not literal. I want to feel at home with you and would try and make it  for you as well.

#1 Music and Love – Music of the Night (Phantom of Opera)

“Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night”

The song is from Phantom of Opera. A very ugly beast of a man falls in love with the leading lady of the opera. He lives under the stage and comes out only at night. He is musically gifted and has the most soulful voice. That was what he offered – music.

Last one for the day –

Never mind I’ll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you too “Don’t forget me,” I begged “I’ll remember,” you said “Sometimes it lasts in love But sometimes it hurts instead.”

I would fall in love just to experience this emotion – why is it so good to even want to feel this way?

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over.

#Day 17 – Three guitars and three groupies …

that’s what my day 17 looked (?) or rather sounded like 🙂

‎#Day 23 – In the morning I’d awake and I couldn’t remember What is love and what is hate? ….

Jazz by the Bay

‘I will give you all the diamonds you want’ was not the first thing that he said that evening under the moon shadows of trees swaying to Jazz that night. 

That night chanson’s d’amour or love songs were not mere mood jewels that he usually adorns in just any other mundane night. They had significance that night. He was in love after a good long twenty five years. He clasped his own hands in delightful serenity of the night laced with the hallucinatic music. He thought those were the magic that music creates in moments like those. As a kid he always liked movies over real life because movies had background music. He was happy ‘coz he can hum and sing; at least he can make up for the lack of background music in real life.

He could care less about his wealth, his palace and the never ending lonliness if not his anxious longing for what he didn’t know. 

That day his heart was filled with gratitude and he wept slowly. He was in love and he knew why. He looked at the moon and then looked at her , ‘How shiny would you be if you take all my diamonds?  Under this pale moon, this summer sea breeze and the trees, and everywhere you would be just the same; my shiny little happiness. You will always be with me’. 

He stopped gazing at Fiona, his watch and shifted his attention to his collection of books. He then started murmuring these lines again. However, in case of books, he offered them bookcases and shiny ones and in case of his wines, he offered them new cellars and yes! shiny ones.

He stopped realizing long back that it was just another night of Jazz by the bay.

When dream and day unite: reprise

I could see through the hordes of people drenched in smokes of exasperation coming out of their tightly clasped cigarettes in their fingers – a great urgency in completing conversations. I could hardly see any faces that I know. It was suffocating …. moment before I decided to leave, I saw a familiar face sitting quietly in a corner drinking something precious for the very fact that he was protecting it rather than savoring it. I couldn’t recognize the face from that distance but intuitively I was sure that the person sitting there was someone close – probably eons back …. the familiarity, the comfort of someone close… I walked towards the person through meandering pathways between those congregations of people. Just when  I was about to reach and say ‘Hi’, a few people looked towards me, I could see the whole room looking towards me with some sort of amusement and shock. The look in their face said ‘How dare you go and speak to him? He doesn’t need anybody, he has us. Please leave this place…. there is no extra room for you’

Well I retracted and looked into his familiar eyes … they were sad, they were tired, they were dead, …

David Hidalgo written a song, ‘Someday’ for Los Lobos (OST: A love song for Bobby Long) which captures my emotions right now:

Someday I will go home
Someday I will go home
And I’ll find peace in the house
Of my heavenly father
I will fear, fear no more

I know down in my heart
I know it won’t be long
And I shall see the face
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more

Someday, I will go home
Someday, I will go home
And I shall take the hand
Of my savior
I will fear, I will fear
I will fear, pain no more
I, I will fear, I will fear
Pain no more

Driving home
Driving home
I’m driving home

This is for you Maa….

This is for you Maa … You know, the greatest regret I’ll have in life is not being able to compensate for all those moments when you were worried and anxious about me. I know that though I am a big boy now, I am still your little kid. But it really hurts me to see the stifled anxiety in you seeing me grown up so fast – and more so when you were not around to see the gradual transformation in me . I know that you are very curious about me but you hate to admit it and pass it off saying that I am a big boy and things are going the way they are supposed to be ….

I heard this song from Rang De Basanti a few days back where Yashoda tells Krishna –

I am anxious about you as the evening sets in; See that my vision has become hazy ….

Yashoda: Luka Chuppi bahut huyi saamne aa ja naa
Kahan kahan dhoondha tujhe
thak gayi hai ab teri maa

Aaja saanjh hui mujhe teri fikar
Dhundhla gayi dekh meri nazar aa ja na

 

Krishna: Kya bataoon maa kahan hoon main
Yahan udney ko mere khula aasmaan hai
Tere kisson jaisa bhola salona
jahan hain yahan sapno vala
Meri patang ho befikar udd rahi hai maa
Dor koi loote nahin beech se kaate na

Yashoda: Teri raah takey aankhiyaan
jaane kaisa kaisa hoye jiyaa

Dhire dhire aangan utre andhera, mera deep kahan
Dhalke suraj kare ishara chanda tu hai kahan
Mere chanda tu hai kahan
Luka Chuppi bahut huyi saamne aa ja naa
Kahan kahan dhoondha tujhe thak gayi hai ab teri maa

Aaja saanjh hui mujhe teri fikar
Dhundhla gayi dekh meri nazar aa ja na

Krishna: kaise tujhko dikhaun yahaan hai kya
Maine jharne se paani maa tod ke piya hai
Guchcha guchcha kai khwabon ka uchal ke chuwa hai
Chaaya liya bhali dhoop yahaan hai
Naya naya sa hai roop yahan
Yahaan sab kuch hai maa phir bhi
lage bin tere mujhko akela

Our Lady Peace

Kaustubh sent me this song. Last I heard was from a teenage girl in a rock competition. I couldn’t ask her which song it was, but it lingered with me for a long time – a sense of loss yet reassurance, some distant sky, turquoise blue evening sky, powdered rain on my face, a mild scent of musk and goosebumps of memories. Our Lady Peace – Are you sad? Listen to this song here Read the beautiful lyrics below. Nevertheless you should also listen to other songs by this band specially the Woodstock 99 song – Superman’s dead

“Are You Sad?”

Your life has been so hard
It’s dried up angels that can’t keep guard
I’m trying to reach your hand
But I’m on fire
I never planned to fade… away
Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say that you’re nothing

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn’t be..

I’m drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it’s been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,
I’m just a man
Whose made mistakes

Stop pretending when they say you’re nothing

I am the Lizard King and I can do anything!

Raise high your pretty faces … I hear dreams … I can hear you clear my beautiful friend .. Live your dreams .. Every strand of your hair should scintillate with electrifying spams …

Art, science, philosophy are all fucking shit man … who are you to tell me what they are and why do I need to nod? Who are you to judge and why do I have to listen?

I can hear dreams like soft dew drops trickling from one leaf to another in a fresh winter morning. Morning …. huh! Mourning! Don’t mourn my pretty child … every drop of your tear is precious … saturated with the history of your sadness .. getting saltier by the minute and heavier by the hour .. Don’t mourn my pretty child …

Beeeetraaaayaaaaaallllll with a fuckin’ slice of poison, a dash of good memories, a pinch of lost love, a tea spoon of …….. fuckk!!! It’s a fuckin’ lame concept … Haven’t u betrayed ur mother when you smoke whilst you promised her that you won’t? Haven’t you betrayed your father, when you told him that you are more weaker than he is? Lame .. it’s lame …

It’s democracy ain’t it … It’s free will AIN’T it … It’s a fucking revolution……………. heheheheheh!

YOU are the Lizard King and YOU can do anything ….

P.S. –> My apologies to Late James Douglas Morrison

Being Assamese!

I have missed 7 Bihus and now this time it has hit me. I miss my family a lot. They might be a weird bunch but they are mine … I miss mom’s pitha (something which i never liked to eat) which she prepares during Bihu.

I have fond memories of Bihu – I wake up early in the morning and first offer prasad to the Cows (Garu Bihu means Cow Bihu). We rub turmeric and black dal paste on the cows. Turmeric is antispetic and black dal acts as a good exfoliating agent. Next morning we’ll wake up and apply the same paste to ourselves and take bath. Awesome smell of turmeric, dal and mustard oil. And yes, you come out yellow from the bath. Then we wear fresh new clothes and eat the assamese breakfast – pitha (pancake), rice flakes, curd, jaggery, sugar, bananas and other fruits.

My mom will be busy preparing them and feeding all and sundry who comes home. She will put on some bihu dance music in the background. Bihu music is weird man! – there will be heavy drum beating (dhol) in a very off beat rhythmic way like the way we see in grunge music … but then at the time of the climax of the song the drums go hysterical along with the pan chewing drummers… The lyrics are very suggestive … Talking about lyrics – well Assamese people seemed to be more open – My body is burning in desire; Oh my love, if you don’t satiate these dreams my poor heart will break – Got that!

Earlier (read 1960s) Bihu in villages was considered to be an occasion where young men and women meet and decide who their life partners will be. So, the men will assemble near the river and start beating the drums; the women will hurriedly dress up in crisp silk mekhela chaddar with flowers neatly placed on their hair (kind of orchid that blooms in Assam during spring). They become so desperate to be there with their men that they start dancing to the drum beats even before they reach the venue. Hence, if you have noticed the female dancers in performances, they will enter the stage dancing and much later than the male dancers.

Ok now back to my day – we children will be very excited that day – lot of people – known/unknown – will come to our house and our parents will be in a very good mood. We will have a lavish lunch with rice, dal, fish curry – lavish because mom will be very excited preparing it and we get to eat with very generous helpings. After my sisters’ wedding, Bihu became more merrier than ever. All my sisters along with bro-in-laws will land up at home – sudden commotion at home after a great lull ….

After the usual sweet nothings and jokes, we’ll set out to have a tour around the outskirts of the city (which by the way is very very beautiful). More commotion – mom will shout at us to get ready fast, I will shout at the driver to get ready fast, someone will shout at someone to keep the dog in custody, someone else will fight over lipsticks, make-ups and knick knacks … But then the Brady Bunch finally gets together to have some serious fun.

Evening dinner will be mostly outside … with everyone tired. But then we all have to finish our day with the grand finale – Bihu functions and ceremony. There will be 100000 Bihu ceremonies happening in the city simultaneously. We’ll drop by in the most popular ones. When I was a kid – we used to be escorted to the VIP seats owing to my dad’s position in the society. But gradually, VIP seats became unattractive for all of us. I remember faintly sitting on top of the car hood when I was a small kid to watch the bihu dancers. I also remember sleeping a lot. Contrary to other members of the family, I will jump and play around a lot when I was a kid. Hence I used to feel sleepy by 6pm. Thats why I don’t remember Bihu ceremonies of my early days. My mom tells me that she used to buy me a pack of peanuts and I sleep off while chewing them.

Anyways finally we’ll come back home tired at around 1 o’clock.

Lot of people ask me where I am from – My dad is from Gujju origin and my mom is an Assamese. Now I feel that I am more an Assamese than anything else. You don’t need to perform rituals or talk like them – You just need to feel the pinch of missing the culture and the people once in a while to call urself a person from that society. And to top it all, I am as lazy, laid-back, not competitive as any other thoroughbred Assamese…

Release

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies
That you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand

Proud sermons and concepts, germane to life … became useless now …

with a sad eye cast a shadow on it …

no more tears … no more visits …

no more waits … no more replacements ..

no more rainbow … only blood ..

R. I. P

The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain 

This post is not a mere display of abstract thoughts … And I won’t call it poetry either .. it is just strings of thoughts racing past my inebriated state of mind … Rest in Peace!!! And I am off to sleep … ZzzzzZZzzz

Cat’s in the Cradle

Life turns into a full circle. Situations take different hues, meanings, lyrics and then they turn back and becomes same. A moment ago, things which irked me now became a source of amusement (well sometimes its amazement). One such thing is relationship.

A song which I always liked gives a gist of what I feel – Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. It’s about a father rueing about not spending time with his son when he was supposed to. Now at the winter of his life, when he wants to get back to his son, his son has just turned out to be like him – he didn’t have time to spend. A small trivia – this song was not sung by Cat Stevens first. It was sung by Harry Chappin, an American singer. It was a poem written by Sandy, his wife. He sang this song when his baby was born. There were many covers for this song – Jhonny Cash, Ugly Kid Joe, Mandy Patinkin, Jack Black (Saturday Night Live) and Sarah McLaclan. One of the most inspiring videos of our time (The Ugly kid Joe version), this song has become Nothern Ireland anti-terrorism ad campaigns. Click here (RadioBlog – Cat’s in the Cradle) to listen to it.

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

So all that I want to say is – “After a while just sit back & relax, you’ll see the average line emerging out of it. That is ur life, consider that rather than wondering about why each and every point …. ” (Inspired by Kaustubh)

Shelter from the Storm Part 2

>> contd… from last post

She arrived a little earlier … could her questions be answered any earlier? Will the mystery man answer her questions? With no parsimony in expectations she waited with bated breath …. tick tock tick tock … ticking in her mind … ticking in her heart … Shankar didn’t arrive … She called her number … she hated her favorite caller tune …

Now there’s a wall between us, somethin’ there’s been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

She sent an SMS to him – Whoevr u r plz gve my phne else I’ll tell police. U dnt knw da troubl I had. I waitd fr 3 hrs nd expctd dat u’ll b decent persn and return my phne, U r a thief – exactly 160 characters – she didnt want to waste a single character for him … She cried … tear drops of regret … She cursed the moon …She cursed the Nakabandi, her poverty … she doesn’t want her cell phone back… she doesn’t want her cell phone back … she dozed off …

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it’s doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Next morning her friend gives Reena her old cellphone and tells her to use it for the time being. After office, she calls up her number… Shankar pics up, “I am so sorry that I couldnt come… you see I got busy with this meeting …” Reena interrupts, “Thats ok, I assumed you’ll be tied up … By the way what do you do? … lemme guess -you are a DON .. (chuckles!) .. no no no … you are a smuggler .. i know your types .. I have seen it all … D, Satya, Company … each one of them” … Shankar laughs with his guttural splendor …”Why are you laughing? You think I am kidding… no I am not… if you wouldn’t have picked the phone, I would have called the police… by the way I am asking all sorts of question … who cares!! Why did you find only me, that day, to share the autorickshaw?” … Silence engulfed .. as if it was a repertoire of lonliness – lonliness that has become a part of their lives .. Shankar said,” hmmm … you have a beautiful voice …” Reena smiled, “How stupid is that … hey one sec! I didn’t even speak to you that day ….” … “Well, you spoke to me through your eyes .. sigh!” … Reena closed her eyes in excitement … “Ok Ok! Don’t flatter … you don’t even know me… So are you planning to return my cell phone ..” .. Shankar grins, “Do you really want it?” Reena keeps the phone …. her heart stops beating … Shankar goes out for a smoke and wonders – Does she love me?

I’ve heard newborn babies wailin’ like a mournin’ dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love.
Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Shankar tells Reena the next morning that he will be going out on a business trip and he promises her to call. As any sad story turns out to be .. he never calls …. days, weeks and even months pass by … Reena tried calling him back but he was out of range .. she even called up her service provider to find out if they know where he can be …. But he was not there? Life is playing a dirty trick on you Reena. Everything was perfect for you … I never gave you a chance to complain .. you were so brave that you didn’t even cry when your parents passed away … you were not afraid to live a lonely life .. look now what happened .. you don’t even know his name … hey! why didn’t you ask his name? Are you a fool? Why do you like him so much .. you saw him only once and spoke to him twice .. are you out of your mind? Oh! I know why – those kind eyes .. I see! those kind words … I see!! He will come back Reena … he will ….

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an’ they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Shankar had no way of escaping the doom … How can they shut me up … I didn’t do anything … It was all his fault .. I never wanted to do this … I wanted to have a decent life … I had no one …. no one by my side … She came in … Her beautiful voice … her melody .. her questions … If my mother would have been alive … she would have asked me with such curiosity … How can I escape this hell ? How can I go and meet her … I want to return her phone … this precious phone … hahahah! they can’t take it away from me … they can’t !! hahahhah

Well, I’m livin’ in a foreign country but I’m bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor’s edge, someday I’ll make it mine.
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

3 months and 12 days … Shankar saw day light … they released him … they didn’t find anything that Shankar could give them …

9819772440 … dialing … dialing … it was her 104th try … Oh! God … hope he is alright … he never told me it would be so long … wherever he is, he…. beep! Somebody picks up … “Hellow!” Reena – “Is it you … is it you …. I am Reena .. remember Reena .. my phone .. autorickshaw … …” Shankar started weeping … .. he kept weeping for minutes … Reena’s eyes started watering too … Shankar gather himself and told her to come to the same place in an hour … he had something very important to say … “I am so sorry Reena .. I’ll explain everything … not just my disappearance but more …” Reena didn’t think twice … She set off from Worli in an auto rickshaw …. She reached Phoenix Mills and asked him to come to Noodle bar. He obliged. Her eyes moved from corner to corner to find him … but he was nowhere to be seen … she calls again … That is my ring tone … wait that phone looks like mine … but the guy is different … probably its not mine … Wait I’ll keep the phone and call again … What! it stopped ringing … Why is that guy not picking the phone? Why is he startled? Why is he looking here and there? …….

“Are you Reena?” the same kind voice …. but not those kind eyes “Yes, I am… Do you have my phone?” … “Oh! Reena and he hugs her …” She releases herself from his clutches and embarrased, “Who are you? Where is he?” … He looks down, “I am he!” … “What do you mean? You are not the one who took away my phone!”

He looks at her eyes, “No, I am not Shankar – the one who took your phone … I am Suresh – the one whose voice you are familiar with”

She is puzzled … she grabs a glass of water and drinks it … He picks up her glass and drinks the remaining water … She looks at him in confusion, ” I don’t understand … what is going on?” Suresh makes her sits down with an assuring gesture, as assuring as his voice, “Shankar and I are flat mates… We came to Bombay for jobs and we got ourselves into trouble… Shankar found bad company and I got dragged in … That day when you called on this cellphone for the first time, Shankar took off and he never returned ….”

Reena closes her eyes ….. All these days I was in love with the voice and not with those eyes …. Indeed not all roses are red ….

Reena took his arm and rested her head in his shoulders … “Suresh let us go…”

Well, I’m livin’ in a foreign country but I’m bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor’s edge, someday I’ll make it mine.
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Shelter from the Storm Part 1

‘Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Reena never had seen a white rose and she always wondered what good a rose is if it is not red … She was more concerned about how soon she can sleep so that she can wake up early in the morning and catch an early train to avoid the rush … Forget monotonicity … Forget mundanely concerns .. just a step taken to make life easy …

8 am sharp she catches the Andheri local to Mahalakshmi, so that she can catch a bus in time to Worli. Hurriedly she occupies a seat next to the exit and dozzes off….

Shankar was a sharp student … a student of political science from Madras University … But his aspirations were far from what his father had planned for him. He despised society .. He hates the current state of affairs with the same passion as his mother makes idlis in the morning … He wondered how good education is if it is not put into use for the betterment of society, prevent corruption, improve judiciary and above all for the safety and betterment of his countrymen. His ideals and intent was right, but his steps …

Reena and Shankar met that day under very weird circumstances … It was one of those days when roads get blocked for some reason beyond anyone’s comprehension but since they have to give it a name, the call it Nakabandi… All roads were blocked except for one … Reena was lucky to get an autorickshaw and Shankar was lucky to find Reena …

And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured
I’ll always do my best for her, on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Shankar needed refuge from them and Reena could see that urgency in his face. She allowed Shankar to come in and share the autorickshaw. Ideally she would never do that … but she was speechless … everything happened all of a sudden … blood, dust and Shankar’s imploring eyes … She did something like this for the first time … the 20 mins ride was spent in silent curiosity and ofcourse pounding fear for Reena … Shankar asked for her cell-phone to make a call and all of sudden he asked the driver to stop … Reena didn’t stop him and he left with her cell-phone … He looked back and gave her a warm smile and a nod that he will …..

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it’s always safe and warm.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Reena couldn’t recover from it … She wanted to call her cell phone but was afraid … She couldn’t concentrate … She needed to know why he disturbed her? why he came to her life all of a sudden? was she chosen? ….. “why do these questions bothering me? …. indeed it’s not my cheap cellphone”

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an’ blown out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Earlier, Shankar would have finished his task of peril with great agility … but today he was exhausted… He felt tired and lonely … “why am I getting this feeling that something bad is going to happen? … these bastards had never had an one-up one me … I am tired and I need rest … somehow I feel I need to give myself some rest … and God! what could I have done without her … why do I feel that I need her? Do I need her to help me in my quest? ….”

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin’ there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
“Come in,” she said,
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”

Reena always needs closure. For her, the world is black and white – just like the red roses … She called him up later in the evening – “When do you plan to give me my cell- phone .. you know I don’t earn that much to finance your calls and I’m sure you had made enough STD calls … you know my credit limit is ….”, Shankar starts laughing, “Meet me near Phoenix Mills at 7 pm and thanks for your help … you see I am not a bad guy or a criminal running away from police… the blood and my torn shirt was because of an accident …”, Reena interrupts, “Thats ok! Hope you are ok now… Did you apply ointment and …”, Shankar sighs, “Thanks ….”, Reena whispers, “Reena … ok will meet you and don’t waste my money”

Shadows of bright moon light

 

Why do you feel so conscious when you look me in the eyes…
If I have done something to you that made you feel so shy
You told me you’d always be there.. losing you is nothing to fear
Is there a reason for me to feel so insecure
May be your love for me is not so sure
Is this is not true … then ..

Why do I feel so lonely tonight
Without you in my arms
Without you by my side
Why do I feel so lonely tonight
When I look to the sky waving goodbye

Why do I feel I lose u for life
Coz…. u hide urself in the shadows of bright moonlight ….

~Vishnu

My brother

My brother is going to London .. he will be working there for I-don’t-know-how-long. He got one of the most important and coveted jobs in the financial world. He is by far the most intelligent, compassionate and funny person I ever knew (know/will know). But a bit edgy though. He has a wide expanse of knowledge and I always had enriching conversations with him. He is my idol, my friend and my world.

I wish him all the luck … Bon Voyage Anna! I will miss you so dearly .. but then again I am very happy for you. Don’t you worry about me. I dedicate this song to you … Downtown by Petula Clark

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go – downtown
When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know – downtown
Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, things’ll be great when you’re
Downtown – no finer place, for sure
Downtown – everything’s waiting for you

Don’t hang around and let your problems surround you
There are movie shows – downtown
Maybe you know some little places to go to
Where they never close – downtown
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova
You’ll be dancing with him too before the night is over
Happy again

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, where all the lights are bright
Downtown – waiting for you tonight
Downtown – you’re gonna be all right now

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along

So maybe I’ll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
So go downtown, things’ll be great when you’re
Downtown – don’t wait a minute for
Downtown – everything’s waiting for you

End of the World

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
‘Cause you don’t love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

~ Skeeter Davis (1931 – 2004) (End of the world is the only song to be featured in the top 10 in all four Billboard charts)